Christian dating sites are everywhere. And there are even more non-Christian online dating sites and apps. Christians debate whether followers of Christ should be using these online dating apps and dating sites to find love.
The Bible is silent on this specific issue (since it didn’t exist back then). Therefore, anyone who gives a definitive opinion on the issue (myself included) is just giving an OPINION and nothing more.
However, I believe the Bible supports my opinions about online dating, and Christians can use these principles to make their decision.
Pray
In any dating or relationship situation, whether that’s online or offline, you should pray first before moving forward. Prayer accomplishes two things. First, God will provide you clarity and direction about whether or not you should invest your time in a certain person or method of dating. Ask God to provide you with wisdom and discernment, and to protect your heart from getting broken.
Secondly, prayer reminds you that even in online dating, God is sovereign. When we pray, we acknowledge that He’s in control and that we’re determined to follow His will, not ours.
Don’t Limit God
God has the ability to bring two people together in an infinite number of ways, online dating included. Ephesians 3:20 reminds us that God can do “exceedingly abundantly above all we ask or think.” Don’t set in your mind that your path to finding a spouse has to go a certain way. Keep an open mind and don’t limit God to what you can only imagine.
Now, there’s a stigma that comes with Christian dating sites or online dating in general. Some say that a person searching for love online is desperate. In Christian circles, people might say that online dating indicates someone lacks faith that God will bring them a spouse. Don’t buy into either of those. God can bring Christians together online or through countless other methods and encounters.
Don’t Get Addicted to Dating Sites
Dating apps can be helpful, but they can be dangerously addictive. For example, on an app like Tinder, there are more than 9 million people. If you’re not careful, you’ll get caught up with swiping, liking, scrolling, browsing, or whatever the case may be for hours or entire days. You can get lost looking for someone that catches your eye or trying to make connections on apps like that. It’s important to keep tools like dating apps in proper perspective and set hard time limits on them. Otherwise they could become an idol in your life.
Be Honest
This is a big one. You have to be honest online about who you are, right now. That means don’t post old pictures of yourself that don’t reflect how you look now. Don’t portray a lifestyle that might not be where you’re at right now. Be up front and transparent, so that the person someone meets is the same as the one they saw online.
If you’re not honest, you might attract someone with your profile and then end up leading someone to be disappointed when the real thing doesn’t match up. It sabotages any potential relationship up front, because if you’re lying on Christian dating sites, how does the other person know what else you might be lying about? What else might you be hiding?
Meet in Person ASAP
You can spend weeks or months chatting online with a person, getting to know their life and sharing your own, creating an emotional bond that is shockingly strong. Your heart can get fully engaged just through long exchanges of messages. That can be a problem if you do that and then you finally meet the person and there’s something about them, whether it’s physical attraction, or behavior, or something else that just isn’t a good fit. Now you’re emotionally tied up with someone but you’re not fully invested in them in person, and that’ll just lead to both sides getting hurt. When you’re online dating, strive to meet the other person as soon as you can.
State Your Beliefs and Standards UP FRONT!
This is crucial for Christians who choose to enter the world of online dating, where many, many people are only there chasing cheap thrills and temporary pleasure.
If you believe in no sex before marriage (which you should!), you need to put that in your online profile. Similarly, if you value the sanctity of marriage, that should be clear. Let potential partners know up front if you’re looking for a spouse.
I know what you might be thinking: That you’ll scare people away with those beliefs—and that’s the point! You don’t want to enter into a relationship with anyone who isn’t aligned with you on these beliefs, so better that you never get involved with them rather than hiding those beliefs and potentially being tempted by someone who is trying to push you to live another way.
Focus on One Person at a Time!
This principle goes against everything that dating apps represent, but this is important. Sure, you may be in communication with multiple people at the same time, but when it seems like there might be some real relationship potential with someone, you need to get off the app IMMEDIATELY and focus your attention on getting to know that person. Otherwise, you’ll be constantly distracted and tempted by what you might be missing out on with the millions of other people on that app, and it undermines your ability to potentially commit to someone who could be worthwhile. If it doesn’t work out, sure you can get back on the app. But don’t stay on there while you’re getting to know someone you’re pursuing a relationship with.
Stay Away from “Hook Up” Apps or Dating Sites
I’m not going to name any names here, but let’s just say certain apps lend themselves to quick one-night stand type hook-ups, and Christians should have no part in these. I’m talking about apps that track your GPS location and that of other users so you can see who is around you that you can meet up with as quickly as possible to see where things might go. Don’t tempt yourself into sexual sin that way! Find a dating app where the people on there have the same mindset as you do, not the mindset of just finding someone to have meaningless sex with.
The question here isn’t whether a Christian should use a dating app, because that’s a matter of opinion. But the real question is how should they be used, and these principles can keep you on the right track.
For more helpful biblical Christian content from Allen Parr, visit his YouTube channel The BEAT or browse other topics on the Let’s Equip blog!